Miscarriage: The Need For Support

Miscarriage: The Need For Support
Between 10 and 30 percent of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. Afterwards, a woman may be surprised by her intense emotional reaction, and her urgent need for support. At the same time, friends and family may feel uncomfortable discussing the death of a baby so early in pregnancy.

Even for a short-lived pregnancy, research shows that women go through a grieving process similar in every way to women whose babies died much later in pregnancy or after birth. However, the grieving period is shorter, lasting 3 to 12 months.

Common Causes

Genetic: About half of early miscarriages involve a missing or extra chromosome in the fetus.

Structural: Twenty percent of aborted embryos are malformed

Hormonal: Low progesterone, thyroid dysfunction

Infection: Ureaplasma, chlamydia or any infection causing a high fever

Other: Heavy smoking or alcohol use; incompetent cervix, malformed uterus

Rules for Grieving

Tell loved ones and friends how you feel.
Don't be embarrassed to ask for help; specify what you need.
Get answers to all your questions re the miscarriage, including all possible causes.
Remember your baby in any way that seems right to you, including naming the baby. Pay attention to what your body needs to recover.
Wait at least 3 to 6 months before trying to conceive again.

For Support Persons

Listen to her feelings, and make her feel understood.
Avoid advising, judging, evaluating or interpreting.
Avoid comments like, "Keep your chin up," "That's life," or "It's nature's way of getting rid of defective fetuses," or "you can try again."
Validate her right to grieve.

Resources

Surviving Pregnancy Loss, by Rachelle Freidman and Bonnie Gradstein (revised 1996, Citadel Press), Preventing Miscarriage: The Good News , by Jonathan Scher (Harper and Collins, 1991), How To Prevent Miscarriage And Other Crises Of Pregnancy , by Stefan Semchyshyn and Carol Colman (Macmillan, 1990).

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